Holiday Challenges in Eating Disorder Recovery: Coping Tips from Experts

While eating disorder recovery can be challenging at any time of year, the holiday season can be especially tough. From the endless marathon of food-focused events to difficult family dynamics and unwanted body- and food-related comments, the holidays present a unique set of potential triggers and hurdles to those affected by an eating disorder. Thankfully, with some mindful preparation, you can learn to navigate these holiday challenges in a way that protects recovery and also allows you to enjoy this special time of year. Whether you’re dealing with an eating disorder yourself or supporting a loved one who is, read on for expert-endorsed tips on managing this festive but fraught time of year.

Why are the holidays challenging for eating disorder recovery?

The holidays are a source of joy for many people, but they can also be extremely stressful. And for people navigating eating disorder recovery, there are even more stressors above and beyond all the normal anxieties around gifts, social obligations, and other holiday demands. For those affected by an eating disorder, the holidays come with several unique challenges, including:

Social and cultural emphasis on food: November and December are often filled with holiday gatherings and events, and almost all of them center around food. Whether it’s a party with a lavish potluck spread, a sit-down dinner with family, or baking cookies with friends, food plays a key role in most holiday activities. Many families and cultures also have specific food-related traditions, which can feel particularly tough to navigate because of the meaning associated with them. When eating already feels like a struggle on a normal day, all of this heightened focus on food adds an additional layer of difficulty (not to mention the fact that holiday foods are often richer or more “indulgent” than the foods we eat during the rest of the year, and many may be fear foods for those with eating disorders).

Family dynamics: During this time of year, it’s normal to gather with family members that you don’t normally see, and this can come with complex dynamics and uncomfortable conversations. This might mean spending time with a family member who brings up distressing emotions, like insecurity or anxiety, which can lead to eating disorder urges. Or it could mean navigating conversations and comments around food, body, and diet, which can be extra triggering in these high-stress environments.

Disruptions to routine: The normal day-to-day routine often flies out the window during the holidays. Kids are on school break, many offices close for a period of time, and there might be the added complications of traveling or hosting guests. No matter what the specific disruptions are, these changes can make it more difficult to stick to a meal plan, attend groups and appointments, and take care of the other regular demands of recovery.

New year, new you messaging: As December winds down, it’s inevitable that we’ll all be bombarded with messages around weight loss, New Year’s diets, fitness goals, and “making up” for the indulgences of the holiday season. These diet culture-informed messaging can be harmful to anyone, but to those in the midst of recovery, it has the potential to do even more damage.

All of the above can make the holidays feel daunting to those in recovery. Thankfully, there are some strategies that can help alleviate stress, make difficult moments easier to handle, and even reinforce recovery practices and tactics. So if you’re in recovery yourself or supporting a loved one who is, it’s important to take some time to map out a plan of action before you’re swept up in the chaos of the holidays.

Here’s a closer look at six potential holiday challenges to eating disorder recovery and recommended ways to handle each obstacle with grit, grace, and determination.

How to handle food-focused celebrations and activities

The challenge: It’s no secret that the holiday season is chock full of events with a heavy emphasis on food. And in many cases, for a variety of reasons, the meals and snacks that are served at these celebrations may feel overwhelming to those who struggle with an eating disorder. It can also be hard for those working toward recovery to eat in new, unfamiliar environments or around certain people.

The suggestion: “The holidays can come with more food-related challenges than the rest of the year,” says Camilla Blanton, a registered dietitian at Equip, noting that holiday events often include foods that are tied up with emotions, or foods that are only served once a year. “If there are specific fear foods you or a loved one are concerned about eating over the holidays, you can prepare by incorporating these food items more regularly in early December to help you work on food neutrality,” she says. “This could look like adding some holiday cookies to your child's lunchbox or incorporating cinnamon rolls as part of your breakfast a couple times a week. Whatever the food may be, finding a supportive way to incorporate it as a more normalized or neutral food can be extremely helpful.”

It can also be helpful to plan ahead for hard feelings that might come up during food-focused events. Mindfulness and grounding practices, like breathing exercises or connecting to your senses, can be an extremely powerful tool for staying calm when a meal or other event begins to feel overwhelming. You might also want to identify a person you can turn to for real-time support when things get challenging, and establish a signal with them that tells them you need some help. If you’re supporting a loved one through recovery, you can offer to be their support person and collaboratively come up with things you can do in the moment to help manage triggers.

Managing increased desires to purge

The challenge: People who struggle with purging behaviors often find the holidays a particularly hard time. All the big meals and challenging foods can trigger the urge to engage in compensatory behaviors to “get rid of” or “make up for” the food. Many of the foods we eat during the holiday season are foods that someone with an eating disorder might deem “off-limits” or “bad,” and these judgments can intensify the desire to purge.

The suggestion: One of the first steps toward stopping purging behaviors is to know the triggers. As the holidays approach, take some time to think about what factors tend to trigger your desire to purge (or, if your loved one struggles with purging, talk through triggers with them). Some common triggers are large meals, not feeling in control of one’s eating schedule, eating fear foods or new foods, and feelings of guilt, shame, or insecurity. Take some time to reflect on previous purging episodes to identify triggers specific to you or your loved one.

Establishing a post-meal routine might also be a smart choice. The time immediately after eating is often the most challenging, so putting in place some structure can be really helpful. That might look like taking a mindful walk, listening to music you love while cleaning up, or playing a game with family.

Lastly, don’t underestimate the power of distraction. Like almost all urges, the impulse to purge will pass if you simply ride it out. Being able to stay distracted while the impulse is strongest can go a long way toward eliminating purging behaviors completely. Create a personalized list of activities you can turn to after meals or whenever the desire to purge arises, like journaling, watching TV, or calling a friend.

Dealing with unsolicited comments on body or food choices

The challenge: “One of the trickiest eating disorder challenges during the holidays is the amount of conversations centered around food and appearance,” says Ally Duvall, Senior Program Development Lead at Equip. “There are so many comments on how you should look during holiday get-togethers or how ‘bad’ you are for eating delicious treats that it can feel overwhelming to still choose recovery.”

The solution: A helpful first step in combating unwelcome opinions or observations may be to head them off beforehand by telling friends and family to leave body-related talk at the door. In some cases, a person struggling with or recovering from an eating disorder may not want to share their diagnosis with anyone outside their immediate support group, but may be worried those same outsiders will make triggering comments or engage in problematic conversations around diets or body image. Mary Martinez-Schmidt, a family mentor at Equip, says a little planning may go a long way in these situations: “Reach out to family in advance and let them know that you would appreciate it if they avoided these topics of conversation, as you are working on cultivating a positive mindset and building a better relationship with your body and would love others to do the same,” she advises.

Duvall says one of her favorite ways to handle the unwelcome comments at holiday gatherings is rehearsing responses to negative body or food talk ahead of time. “You can practice this with yourself or someone you trust by saying a negative statement and then responding to it in a way that challenges the statement or sets up a boundary,” she says. “One example could be: ‘I wish I could eat as much as you do’ and the response you could say is ‘I’d love to talk about something more interesting than how much or little we are eating—let’s change the subject.’”

Blanton says another way to draw a boundary around body commentary is to shift the focus entirely. “One strategy is to change the topic. Perhaps you come in prepared with three ‘fun facts’ that you’ve recently heard from a podcast or read somewhere,” she says. “Coming prepared with some ‘change of topic’ prompts can support diverting the conversation to something other than food and body commentary.”

If directly confronting triggering comments feels too overwhelming, Blanton says it may be helpful to model the type of neutral language around food and bodies that you’d like others to use (i.e. refusing to label foods as “good” or “bad” or assigning any sort of morality to food choices or body types). And if all else fails, calling in reinforcements is always a great idea. “Ask people in your support network to step in to change the topic,” says Blanton. “This can help in navigating group conversations and table talk.”

Coping with travel disruptions and changes to routine

The challenge: Abandoning a routine and venturing into a new environment can be stress-inducing for just about anyone, but those in recovery may find the disruption to regular life especially trying. “Travel days are some of the toughest days when working towards eating disorder recovery during the holiday season,” Blanton says. “Many people forget to prepare themselves for a travel day that may push them out of their typical routines, which can throw off eating schedules.” She notes that changing time zones often adds an extra challenge by disrupting appetite signaling, which can make it harder to stick to a meal plan.

The solution: While traveling by plane, train, or automobile may make certain aspects of recovery challenging, families can anticipate the potential hurdles and prepare as much as possible. “Pack extra snacks for the plane or car ride—more than what you think you might need, just in case of travel delays,” Blanton says. She also recommends sticking to a timed eating schedule, which can help keep you or your loved one accountable to their planned meals and snacks even if their hunger cues are thrown off from travel. One way to support this goal is by setting phone reminders for meals and snacks; this might feel like overkill, but these external cues can make a world of difference during hectic travel days.

If travel-related stress feeds into difficult feelings or eating disorder urges, mindfulness techniques and grounding practices can be a good tool. Deep breathing, meditation, journaling, or simply noticing your physical environment can be good ways to stop a busy mind and ease anxiety.

The challenge: “Anyone who has been close to someone suffering from an eating disorder can relate to the intense and anxiety-inducing challenge of having to choose what to wear, especially for special occasions,” says Martinez-Schmidt. “This comes up a lot during the holiday season, as we often participate in large family gatherings, special events, school dances, and workplace holiday parties in which we all feel pressure to look our absolute best. This is even more challenging for someone with an eating disorder who suffers not only from body dissatisfaction but also from constant overvaluation of shape or weight.”

The suggestion: Just as finding the right Halloween costume or prom outfit can cause anxiety and stress for those in recovery, choosing a look for the holidays can conjure up some intense feelings. But in all these cases, a good rule of thumb is to prioritize comfort: selecting clothes that feel good and inspire confidence will likely eliminate the stress and self-consciousness that can arise from wearing constricting or otherwise uncomfortable clothing.

Martinez-Schmidt says it can be tricky for family members to know what to say to boost a loved one’s confidence or self-esteem, but the best strategy may be to maintain a neutral stance when it comes to discussing shape or body image. “Well-meaning friends and family might be inclined to offer compliments like ‘you look amazing,’ ‘you look healthier,’ or ‘you lost weight!’ in an attempt to offer reassurance. However, these statements, even if they’re meant to be positive, only reinforce your loved one’s excessive preoccupation with their body shape and size. The best strategy is to offer compliments and appreciation for qualities that are not related to physical appearance. Saying things like ‘your smile lights up the room’ or ‘you’re always the life of the party!’ will go a lot further in helping your loved one feel comfortable in their own skin.”

The challenge: “I didn’t anticipate the guilt and shame I would feel around wanting to be the perfect example of recovery, especially during the holidays,” Duvall says. “I spent a lot of time worrying about my ‘recovery status’ if I didn’t challenge a diet culture comment from Cousin Sam or use my coping skills the way I had planned to. This fear of failing recovery, especially around times of high emotions and gatherings centered on food, can feel isolating and intense.”

The suggestion: Duvall says overcoming the pressure to be “perfect” requires a lot of patience and understanding that there really is no such thing as “perfect” in the first place — especially when it comes to non-linear journeys like eating disorder recovery. Taking time-outs and consciously reminding yourself of your values, your progress, and your worth can go a long way. “It’s so important to remember that you have the power to meet yourself with compassion and kindness,” she says. “Although shame might be your initial thought, what do you choose your second thought to be?” she asks.

Blanton agrees, adding that support networks exist for a reason, and their encouragement may be extra important during this time of the year. “The holidays can be hard for many struggling with disordered eating or an eating disorder,” she says. “Allow yourself some grace and self-compassion as you move through the holiday season, and be sure to have your support network nearby if you need extra support this year.” Affirmations or mantras can be a good tool for practicing self-compassion in the moment. Try finding some sayings or phrases that resonate with you, and write them down or practice repeating them internally when feelings of inadequacy arise.

Lastly, remember that recovery is a nonlinear process. For most people, the journey to full recovery involves at least a few steps backward among all the steps forward. What’s most important is to keep a long-term view and remember that perfection is never the goal.

Self-care strategies for holiday recovery challenges

Throughout the long holiday season, self-care can be your best friend. It’s easy to get wrapped up in all the obligations and pressures, but whether you’re in recovery or supporting a loved one, it’s extra important to take time for yourself. Practicing self-care throughout the holiday season can help you prevent burnout, keep recovery strong, and make this festive time of year more enjoyable in the end.

Self-care looks different to everyone, but here are some strategies you might consider adopting this time of year:

Prioritize your routine. With all the events, travel, and social demands this time of year, it can feel like your time is no longer yours. Of course, we all have things we truly need to do, but remember that you can say no to things, and that it’s okay to prioritize your own daily needs. Try establishing a structure for your days that gives you guaranteed time for important things like meals, as well as at least 30 minutes a day that you can dedicate to a quiet, restorative activity.

Make time for non-food activities. So much of recovery centers around food, and this can feel even more true this time of year. Make sure you carve out time to engage in hobbies and activities you enjoy that have nothing to do with food. That might be reading, knitting, painting, hiking, decorating your home—anything you truly like doing.

Try action cards. Action cards, or coping cards, are physical cards you can carry with you to help you stay grounded and connect to your values and goals during triggering moments. You can create your own cards with reminders you know will resonate with you, like an affirmation, a quote you love, or a list of things and people you want to recover for. You can also download a set of coping cards from Equip that you can either print out save to your phone.

Find physical comfort. It’s essential to take care of your body in ways that don’t involve eating or exercise. You might take a warm bath, do a face mask, get a massage, or just put on your coziest socks and PJs—whatever helps you feel more comfortable and cozy in your own skin.

Express gratitude. It’s easy to fixate on what you don’t have or what you’re missing out on, and this feeling can intensify when you’re navigating the holidays during recovery. Focusing on what you do have can counteract this tendency, helping you adopt a more positive mindset. This, in turn, makes navigating all the challenges before you significantly easier.

Supporting a loved one in eating disorder recovery during the holidays

If your loved one is dealing with an eating disorder, it can feel tough to know what to say or do during challenging periods like the holidays—but it’s during these times that your support is most important. Thankfully, there are concrete, actionable things you can do to help make the holidays easier for your loved one to manage as they work toward recovery.

Ask how to help them. Sometimes, the simplest solution is the best. If you’re not sure what kind of help your loved one needs or wants, ask them. Find a quiet, private time to talk with them, and ask how they’re feeling about the upcoming holiday season. Listen to their thoughts and concerns, and let them know that you’re there to support them in whatever way they need. If possible, try to collaboratively come up with tangible things you can do or say to support them during this time of year: Running interference with a certain relative? Sitting next to them during meals? Making sure certain foods are (or aren’t) around? Changing the subject when conversations turn to triggering topics?

Model neutral language. We all absorb attitudes from the people around us, so one way to support a loved one who might be dealing with negative body image or disordered thoughts about food is to provide a healthy example. Pay attention to your own words, and try to make sure you’re speaking about food and bodies in a neutral, judgment-free way. Don’t refer to foods as "guilty pleasures,” criticize your own body, or talk about “making up for” holiday meals through diet or exercise. Instead, emphasize how a food tastes or smells, how your body feels or what it can do—or just talk about something else entirely.

Come up with an escape plan. Sometimes, the best thing a person can do to support their recovery in a tough situation is to get out of there. This, of course, is easier said than done, so your help can go a long way. Before a party or event, create an exit plan that you and your loved one can turn to if things become too overwhelming. This can include a signal you’ll use to indicate it’s time to go, as well as exactly what you’ll say and do to discreetly and safely leave.

The Equip takeaway on recovery during the holidays

The holiday season can feel daunting for those affected by eating disorders, as well as their loved ones. The good news is that with some thoughtful preparation and communication, you can navigate this challenging season in a way that supports recovery. The holidays might look different this year than they did in years past—and that’s okay. By prioritizing recovery, you’ll not only continue to move toward a life without an eating disorder, you may also create new meanings and traditions that you’ll bring into the years to come.

If navigating the holidays feels like too much even with the strategies above, remember that you don’t have to do this alone. Enlisting the help of an eating disorder expert might be the best choice for you or your loved one this holiday season. Talk to your doctor or an eating disorder-informed mental health professional, or schedule a consultation with an Equip team member to talk through your concerns.