When a person gets treatment for an eating disorder, it’s with the goal of achieving recovery. But what does “recovery” really mean? There’s not one definition that eating disorder professionals agree on, despite the fact that experts have been trying to come up with one for years. And this might be inevitable, because recovery looks different from person to person depending on their personality, their life circumstances, their goals, and the specifics of their eating disorder, among many other factors. But even if there’s never one set definition for recovery, the more we understand about what recovery entails, the better we can support people who are navigating the process.
A recent study from Equip took a deep, close look at the meaning of recovery for those who went through it themselves. In the study, researchers conducted structured interviews with 27 people who had firsthand experience of eating disorder recovery, either recovering from an eating disorder themselves or supporting a loved one through recovery. They wanted to understand what recovery means to the people living it.
The findings revealed, among other things, that recovering from an eating disorder is about so much more than just restoring weight or stopping disordered behaviors: it’s about identity, connection, and what’s possible in a person’s life. This deeper understanding of recovery can help eating disorder treatment professionals provide better support to their patients. But perhaps even more importantly, the findings illustrate that no matter how you define recovery, it is possible—and worth it.
Recovery turns the light back on…
One thing that this study and others highlight is the fact that eating disorder recovery is an ongoing process, rather than a singular task that can be achieved. For those going through it, it can often feel like two steps forward and one step back—a nonlinear journey with ups and downs in which the eating disorder slowly but surely fades away.
But that said, people supporting those through the recovery process often remark on a particular moment when they noticed their loved one emerging from behind the eating disorder. Participants in the study often described these moments as seeing the “spark” return to their loved one, or as the lights coming back on.
Here’s how one person put it: “Laughter, sense of humor coming back. She’s a very funny person, and with a really witty sense of humor, and that was completely gone when she wasn’t eating enough. So when she was able to respond to humor or make humor, that was really the beginning of her coming back.”
The lights coming back on can mean so many different things. It might mean that someone starts singing in the shower again, or reconnecting with hobbies they loved before; it might mean giving a spontaneous hug, or spending time with friends again, or enjoying a book or movie. Whatever the specifics, the theme was the same: as a person moved closer toward recovery, they began to return to their old self. They lit back up, they came back to life.
…but the light reveals a new person
What’s really interesting is that for those who recovered from an eating disorder firsthand, it was less about turning the lights back on, and more about who emerged into that light. For them, the study found, they didn’t feel like they were returning to their old self, but rather becoming a new version of themselves.
Throughout the recovery journey, they said, they expanded into a different person. While eating disorder treatment focuses on behaviors around food and exercise (for good reason), people navigating the process often see changes in completely unrelated parts of their lives. In the study, participants talked about exploring new interests, connecting more deeply to their values, reframing their relationships, and shifting their identity. Recovery, to them, allowed the world to get bigger and the possibilities more vibrant.
Here are some quotes from study participants that illustrate what that looked like:
“A lot of recovery for me was identity, exploration, and finding out who I am without the eating disorder. So finding out just simple things about myself, like what’s my favorite color, and like what makes me happy? What are some things I’m interested in? What are my favorite scents? Finding those things out about me just made me feel whole again.”
“I didn’t necessarily feel like an old me, because that wasn’t even what I was. That wasn’t what my goal was. I remember my mindset going into treatment was like, if there’s a better version of my life, I need to try to experience that or see if that’s possible. Once I left treatment, I felt completely different. There were some interests that were still there, but I felt a new sense of confidence, a big motivation to actually pursue things that I wanted to do. I had the room to actually think about it since I wasn’t thinking about food all the time.”
“It’s not really getting back to a person, it’s like building a new person and figuring out who you are. I never felt like I was going back to my old self again. I just kind of realized, oh I’m a person. Now I have a personality and I have interests and friends.”
Eating disorder recovery is possible
One big takeaway from the study is that even though recovery looks different depending on who you ask, it’s a transformative and life-affirming experience for everyone who goes through it. As the eating disorder fades, the real person steps into the light — and if that means a return to their old self or stepping into a new version of themselves, it always means a brighter future.
Eating disorder recovery isn’t one achievement or a finished process; it’s a nonlinear journey that looks completely different from person to person. But what’s clear is that during this journey, the eating disorder loses control, and the person within emerges. Whether they return to their old self or expand into a new version of themselves — wiser, happier, more connected to their values — depends on who you ask. But that’s not what matters. What matters is that the eating disorder is no longer in control of their life and the possibilities ahead of them. What matters is that with the right support and evidence-based treatment, everyone with an eating disorder can reclaim the narrative of who they are and what they can become.
If you or a loved one are struggling with an eating disorder, know that recovery is possible. You can schedule a call with an Equip eating disorder expert to talk through your concerns and explore treatment options.
